she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
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Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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