You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
