And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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