Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
