So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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