So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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