try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
