I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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