A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
