bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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