How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
