Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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