As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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