What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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