So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
