Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
