You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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