My cat gives me a boner
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
