at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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