Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize