When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
