Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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