i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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