Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It was a blind-side dick pic.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
