so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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