Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
