I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
