I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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