At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
