You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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