he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I could make wine with my vomit
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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