What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
