I accidentally burped into my bong.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
