I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
