i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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