then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I need water and some morals
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
