my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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