census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so let's talk penis.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
