I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We smell like vodka and hangover
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