You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
