Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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