Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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