I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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