This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
