I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
