I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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