I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
