It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
