i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
