I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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