i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
