Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
