This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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