Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
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I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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