I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
