Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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