I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
