I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
