Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think people are normalizing furries
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
