so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
