There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
